How to tell the truth without hurting anyone?

And how can this be applied to sales?

So, salespeople—pay close attention!

We are often willing to invest a great deal of effort into making something succeed—whether it’s the desire to build an affinity with someone (read: love) or with a client to whom we want to sell something. Countless speakers take the stage to discuss this very topic.

But how often do you actually manage to tell the truth? Are you afraid because you believe that, at times, the truth can be painful?

The truth can be painful for a simple reason: we are all living inside our own "movies"—narratives we project for various reasons—which makes it difficult for us to see the reality experienced by others. And everything is fine as long as our "movie" continues to play in the direction we’ve set. But eventually, everything comes to an end.

This is a simple cycle of action that tells us something straightforward: it’s over. Life is about change and creation; it is not static. A new cycle must begin. In short: START – CHANGE – STOP. It is a cycle that repeats itself for everyone, over and over again. Those who recognize this are better equipped to shape their own future.

The action cycle: start, sustain, stop

Recognizing the action cycle is merely the beginning. One must know when to start, how to sustain things, and when to bring them to a stop.

Is it true that after a relationship ends, we seek out a new one? Perhaps—or perhaps not. The real question is whether we carry the experiences from the previous relationship into the new one, whether we severed ties with the past sooner than we otherwise might have, and whether we brought that past to a proper conclusion. All of this shapes the steps you take and the relationships you will forge in the future.

The same applies to a client. If you are not prepared to bring an engagement to a proper close—or if you mess something up—it will be difficult to get back in. There are no "make-up exams." That is why I always emphasize the importance of being truthful during a conversation; everything can be verified. Honesty is the foundation of all success; even if it is occasionally painful, it remains a solid, enduring element.

Truth as personal property

Truth is something that is true specifically for *you*—and no one has the right to take it away, alter it, or try to convince you that it is not the truth.

Anything that pressures you to act differently—even when you know it contradicts your own truth—effectively constitutes the suppression of that truth. And that is "forbidden."

Polarities, Prosperity, and BE–DO–HAVE

In my seminars, I teach that there are two poles (a polarity). Regarding any given matter, you can choose to move it forward—or not. The same applies to a client. There is nothing wrong with someone saying "no"; in fact, it is primarily an indication of common sense.

So, consider this statement:

Those who are able to let go of prosperity are also the ones who can create it, transform it—in short, possess it.

Those who cling to it out of a fear of loss will find that, should a loss occur, the cost to them is far greater than it would be for someone who is able to simply let things take their course.

By doing this, one can initiate a new cycle of action and begin creating within a new timeframe. In this sense, the BE–DO–HAVE model functions by requiring a willingness to let go of something—specifically, to relinquish one's attachment to it (or "havingness")—in order to actually possess it.

Some people discuss this in terms of "manifestation," which is likely a very similar concept. You can also let go of a version of your personality that you know isn't working, and transform it into one that does. Everyone should experience what it means to "not have" something, in order to truly "have" it.

So, at the moment of truth, we can decide which path to take. And if the decision is genuine—free from manipulation—then the timing of that decision will also be right, and we will succeed.

How open are you, really, to the truth?

Everything mentioned regarding the failure to face the truth may simply be an escape from reality, from events, and from one’s "comfort zone"—which can only remain a comfort zone for a limited time. Eventually, one must look the truth in the eye.

The Truth in 10 Minutes – A Real-Life Example

During my recent trip to Skopje last week, I got into a taxi and—as is my habit—greeted the driver: "Good day, how are you?"

The answer is almost always: "Well, okay, but you know how it is..."

"How is it?" I asked this time.

Because I speak Macedonian, I felt emboldened to go further than someone else might have. That said, language itself is not the issue—much like in sales, where you could be speaking Chinese (and no one understands you), yet if your intentions are good and you manage to convey them to the customer, they will still make a purchase. The same principle applies to communication in any other language: it is not just your language proficiency that matters, but also your *intention*.

And so, I got involved in a conversation. My intention was to bring this debate to a conclusion, ensuring the person on the other side understood my purpose—which was that there is no such thing as "99% responsibility."

If two people are in a conflict, both bear 100% responsibility for discussing the matter. Someone who shies away from responsibility usually has something to hide. The person who initiates the conversation acts as the "cause."

Communication as a cycle: cause–effect–cause.

Communication is always a two-way process, and certain rules must be followed.

The person who starts the conversation acts as the "cause." They speak clearly, ensure the other party has heard them ("Did you understand me?"), and provide an acknowledgment—which makes the other person feel significant, as they are sharing this moment of communication. Finally, they hand the communication over to the other person, thereby demonstrating that they, too, can become the "effect."

Hence, the cause–effect–cause cycle.

The gentleman and I engaged in a conversation that lasted exactly 10 minutes—just enough time to reach the Chamber of Commerce in Skopje.

It was a very interesting experience. I let him spend a few minutes explaining how everything is ruined—how political parties have taken everything, no one cares about ordinary people, the city is polluted, families are destroyed, the entire culture supposedly comes from the West, and so on.

I agreed with him. After all, if we didn’t agree, what kind of conversation would that be? Think about it.

Yet, precisely because I agreed, he allowed me to share my own reality as well. And he listened with interest—largely because I am familiar with this part of the world, even though I haven’t been there for 25 years. I had never really wanted to express my thoughts on the matter before, but this time, I created the right conditions to do so.

First, I asked him if he agreed that a great many people here are prone to holding grudges. If you say anything to them, they take offense. He agreed.

Then we went further and realized that this tendency to hold grudges also creates a great deal of ill will and leads to shifting responsibility onto others. He agreed with this as well.

Well, given that, I told him frankly that people here "jump" at every trivial matter, yet never consider actually fixing anything themselves. Because they haven't resolved anything—due to their own lack of ethics—they judge others (read: they shift responsibility onto others).

LEAD: How to recognize who you are dealing with

Essentially, we are discussing the subject of my seminars, known as LEAD. How do you recognize who you are dealing with?

Responsibility, therefore, is always 100%. Once we reach this level, problems with a specific person, a company, a client, a club we once belonged to, or even our own family members, tend to disappear.

Some refer to this issue between individuals as the "ego." While this concept likely stems from the work of Sigmund Freud, it only partially explains social relationships. So far, no one has managed to apply it effectively in sales or in managing general human relations—simply because such results are nowhere to be seen.

Wars, financial crises, illnesses, unexplained diseases, and deaths. What else?

Sales, "supermen," and ethics

It’s the same in sales. Things work for a while, then along comes someone—found "by chance," our dear "superman"—who, much like in a marriage, arrives only to eventually leave. Is he seeking new opportunities :)? Or is he running away from reality?

I always ask myself: did he leave anything behind?

A strategy, perhaps? Good relationships? People who would inherit his technology and continue using it? I don’t know. What percentage of people actually care about the future?

They come and go. They get tired of it.

Okay, but where does ethics fit into this?

We don’t need the ethics of an individual; we need an ethical system that can "anticipate our future steps." Such a system would preserve a healthy company, family, or nation.

And such a system already exists. We can provide it for you—it works, and it’s simple.

Why does this happen? Is it because there is no truth?

Have you ever experienced something like this?

Even though we keep circling around how to organize our companies and align our employees with our vision and strategy, there is ultimately only one truth to the whole story.

Sales cannot function without the right personnel.

Sara, an AI sales closer, might be able to help you—why not give it a try? If it works out, I’ll focus exclusively on Sara in my future posts.

Your personnel must be aligned with your sales strategy.

There are systems and then there are *other* systems; there are lectures and then there are *other* lectures—but only the best manage to identify what actually works, and then put it into practice. That is the truth.

Truth, turbulence, and tsunamis

While the truth is a fact that you can present to people exactly as it is, you still need to know *how* to do so.

If your version of the truth causes minor turbulence (discomfort), that is likely fine; a bit of a ripple is often necessary to get a team moving.

However, it is not okay if those ripples turn into tsunamis.

And this is precisely what I discuss in my seminars:

how to communicate,

how to establish a shared reality with someone who has no awareness that you even exist—let alone that you are selling something,

and how to use this shared reality to enhance the other person’s understanding, ensuring they truly grasp what you are saying.

The Right Intention and the Right Beginning

And that’s not all. Establishing mutual understanding is merely the starting point. You are about to engage in a conversation with someone you don’t know; therefore, it is helpful to have a few basic tools for identifying who you are dealing with.

Will the time you invest in this communication actually be worthwhile?

In short, none of this will work if you do not have a good intention from the very beginning.

So, before you head toward the person with whom you are about to share a reality, ask yourself: Why am I going there?

And if the answer is, "To help him/her," then go.

No customer will buy if they sense that you are there simply because you want to sell something. No one buys anything unless you follow the right approach.

The right approach is to create the conditions for the customer to hear the truth about what you wish to convey—and to agree with it.

The Taxi Driver and His Truth

I believe that my taxi driver is out there today, driving his passengers, yet the moment he spent with me has stayed with him.

How do I know this?

Because he fell silent the moment he heard the truth. He was confronted with the realization that something—something that had been tucked away in his memory—could actually be true. In the end, he bade me a very warm farewell. That is enough for me to know that we parted on excellent terms.

It is much like a closing conversation with a customer. You, the salesperson, know they will buy from you—you simply know. It is the same with human relationships: you just know whether someone will be with you—whether they will stay, or whether they will slip away. We know everything; we are just deluding ourselves.

People tend to push the truth deep down inside, hoping it will never come to light. But it will—sooner or later.

And that is why it is good to know how to access it—or, more precisely, how to bring it out into the open without causing a tsunami.

Communication, politics, and "outgoing personnel."

From this point on, we can set about saving the world using the truth—provided we know how to uncover it and express it in the right way :).

The biggest problem with political bickering in Slovenia—as well as the friction between the political sphere and the business sector—stems precisely from a lack of knowledge regarding proper communication.

It’s quite amusing when someone tells me they’ve completed a communication course, yet their lips are so tightly pursed that you can tell right away they’ll struggle to communicate—or that they might just "explode" if you offer an opinion that challenges their version of reality. So, be careful about whom you communicate with, and how.

Then there is the other extreme, which goes: "I’ll say my piece; it’s up to you whether you agree or not."

But what does this create? Good relationships, or bad ones?

When we want to achieve something, we generally avoid passing judgment. So, if we have an affinity for someone, we generally don’t pass judgment.

Right, okay—so let’s build that affinity and keep talking until we resolve the issue.

It’s true that, sometimes, there’s no real partner for dialogue on the other side. But have we made enough of an effort to determine that for sure? Have we truly verified whether the other person is simply a poor communicator? It’s always easiest to just cut off communication.

It seems to me that—much like in Macedonia—we often lack the time to get to the bottom of a situation, so we fall back on expectations instead.

It’s the same in sales. If a salesperson’s only expectation is to make a sale, they’re going to have a hard time actually closing one.

I agree that if something is time-sensitive, you shouldn’t hesitate—but at the very least, keep the door open by suggesting that you continue the conversation the next day, the following week, and so on.

This way, we avoid creating a hostile environment; after all, it is the absence—or the misuse—of communication that breeds hostility and ill will.

And this is a major mistake made by companies that hire and fire staff: they invest no effort in those who are leaving, focusing only on those who are joining. A big mistake!

The fundamental purpose: to help, or to sell?

When building good relationships, we usually try to find at least one positive point that can serve as a starting point for a healthy conversation with someone.

However, none of this will work if your underlying intention is not good.

So: if you don’t want to help a client—stay home. Or, stay in the office.

Dragan Šibanc